Three

I started reading Maria Montessori’s book The Absorbent Mind today and it is fantastic. I highly recommend it. Montessori speaks about in such an understanding and compassionate voice. She eloquently explains why adults should show children the utmost respect from their first days. In this post I want to share a few quotes that I really like along with four photos from our wonderful day today.

“The child is not an inert being who owes everything he can do to us, as if he were an empty vessel that we have to fill. No, it is the child who makes the man, and no man exists who was not made by the child who once he was.”

“The old idea was that all we grownups had to do was to behave in our usual ways, and the children, by imitation, would grow up to do likewise. This ended our responsibilities. Naturally, we included the idea of ’setting a good example,’ and stressed the importance of all adults doing this, especially teachers. On their example depended the good of humanity. And mothers, too, had to be perfect. But nature does not reason like this. She is not concerned with the perfection of adults.  The important thing is that before the child can imitate, he must be prepared to do so, and this preparation derives from the efforts he has been making . . . The example set by adults only provides the aim, or motive, for imitation. It does not produce a successful result. As a matter of fact, the child, once launched on his attempts, often improves on the examples set him. he does more perfectly and exactly everything to which he has been inspired.”

“We must remember that the child’s idea of walking is quite different from ours. Our belief that a long walk is beyond him, comes from making him walk at our pace. This is as stupid as it would be for us to go out on foot with a horse, and expect to keep up with it. The latter, seeing we were out of breath, would then say (as we do to the child): ‘This is no good. Jump on my back and we will both get there together.’ But the child in not trying to ‘get there.’ All he wants is to walk. And because his legs are shorter than ours we must not try to make him keep up with us. It is we who must go at his pace. This necessity we are under of taking our time from the child is clear enough in this case, but we ought to note that this rule applies whenever we are educating little children, no matter in what field. . . The child’s way is like that of the first tribesman to wander over the earth. No one said, ‘Let’s go to Paris,’ for there was no Paris. ‘Let’s take a train’ . . . there were no trains. Men walked until they came to something useful or interesting . . . Children are like this.”

“This is an intense and specialized sensitiveness in consequence of which the things about him awaken so much interest and so much enthusiasm that they become incorporated in his very existence. The child absorbs these impressions not with his mind but with his life itself.”

Quotes from Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, English edition first published in 1967.

Take her words to heart. Her writing, at times, is quaint, her analogies simplistic, her study and observation of children are genuine. There is much to learn, much to enjoy.

Mother’s Day: A break from this balancing act:

To put my feet up at my favorite place, Rosario Beach at Deception Pass:

Sean and Snowden granted me my yearly Mother’s Day wish to spend the day hanging out at the beach at Deception Pass. I love the color of the water, the beaches are clean, some spots take the brunt of the weather and others like the place pictured above are warm and quiet even on a windy day. Snowden was a bit put off by the crashing waves at first but enjoyed walking on the various surfaces and learning from Sean how to throw rocks. Last night we both wondered aloud if it was a good idea to show her to throw a rock and decided that who can resist throwing rocks into the water? And what fun would it be to be the child that felt obligated to police all the other adults and children throwing rocks? I have fond memories of standing in a big group on the Pacific beaches with my Bradford Grandpa and extended family, everyone skipping stones into the waves. “Sure kid, throw a rock, just make sure to miss the other kids and duck if one comes your way”, I can hear my Grandpa’s voice in my head–that’s what he would say, right? It was a wonderfully warm and sunny day. At my chosen spot on the rocks, tucked out of the wind, I felt overly dressed in jeans and socks. Luckily I had a sleeveless top under all my layers and got some sun on my shoulders, a perfect day and a much needed respite from the home routine that is not so much routine right now.

It seems like Sean, Snowden and I walked through a wardrobe of sorts about one week ago, we followed Snowden through the doors and stepped into her toddlerhood. This fact dawned on me one whirlwind day when Snowden was crawling after the cat and realized that it would be faster for her to get up and walk instead. When I tried to pick her up and take her to her highchair she arched her back and screamed like she was being hurt. I looked down and realized that I had interrupted a project she was intensely focused on that involved a cat toy and a golf ball. It took three trips into the bedroom to pick up her dog, tossed out of the crib, and two diaper changes before she finally fell asleep for a nap. At night she’s determined that she doesn’t want to be rocked in the rocking chair; there’s no best way right now to help her transition to sleeping at night. We’ve had several days of absolute refusal to even look at her red potty, but now a renewed fascination with sitting on it while reading books. I can best cope with her intense displays of emotion and the balancing act that my mothering has become by thinking in metaphors but since I’ve already employed one in this paragraph I’ll use a simile instead: each day this week has felt like stepping onto a small sailboat and gaining my sea legs, learning how to navigate around the small shifting deck, testing which ropes are the safety lines to hold onto and which ones will pull free of the winch and wreck havoc.

Despite the times when I just don’t want to hold her tightly while she arches and cries at bedtime but the only thing to do is help her calm her body, I’m really enjoying the new challenges. It’s inspiring to try to anticipate what Snowden will be excited about (like keeping her shoes in a specified box by the front door; spending an entire visit to the zoo looking at barn yard chickens and other children) and rewarding when accomplishing a task is a collaboration between the two or three of us (like transitioning from the dinner table to the bath with a potty visit in between).

I hope all you mothers, my mother and mother-in-law, the sisters and sisters-in-laws and my dear mothering friends had a wonderful day yesterday. We’re all here to help one another see the beauty in this ultimate, challenging role; keep in touch!

We are apartment dwellers and have been for a long time. Without a yard I usually get out of the house as much as possible when the nice weather arrives. I’m used to going for a run alone, sitting in the sun reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee in front of a cafe in the morning light; all things that I think will be much harder to work into the little spaces in my day for relaxing now that I am the mother of a toddler. Snowden has no interest in soaking up the sun, quietly reading a book, drinking coffee and relishing the heat of the beverage held between her hands in the cool morning air.

No, little gal is on the move from the moment she opens her eyes. To go outside, or to be inside, is an ever changing opportunity for her to learn about the world. In my limiting adult ways I enjoy a handful of rituals in regards to nature and being outside. For Snowden though, her world is bursting wide open and she wants to take in everything as it comes. She cannot shut out the inviting texture of the pebbles under her feet while she walks towards the grass. She cannot look at a book singlemindedly while the wind is blowing and a dog is barking. I have the privilege of getting to relive this time in life through her, the privilege of noticing again what is all around us.

We have huge windows in our living room that look down four floors to the busy street scene and can track the sunlight in the room all through the day. In an attempt to satisfy my yearning to go outside and have a yard, even though that’s not possible while Snowden naps or I work at my desk (usually those things happen at the same time) I want to bring more of the outdoors inside. I also want to provide a more complex nature-oriented environment for Snowden to participate in. I don’t want her to think that exploring growing things and awareness of nature is something that just happens when we “go out there”

My mother in law loaned me a beautiful book on developing yards and gardens for children. It is a timely read as I pursued my idea to plant a big indoor herb garden/pot and desert terrariums. The book is called A Child’s Garden by Molly Dannenmaier. The pictures are so inspiring and even though it is geared towards creating a yard for the family I’m excited to apply what she says: “To thrive children need complex environments. And in our attempts to help our children achieve success in an even more complex world, we try to fill their lives with good things-challenging schooling, enriching extracurricular activities, high-powered computers, developmentally appropriate toys. . . But how often do we provide opportunities for our children to deeply explore their own home grounds?” So while the terrariums may be a bit more complex than Snowden can really take in right now, my fingers are crossed she doesn’t kill the plants by packing the space left open in the jars with toys, I hope to surround her with an interesting, growing, green home ground even if that home ground is indoors for now.