Three

We went to the book store (s) yesterday to stock up on reading that, if the advice we have received is true, we will not get to for some time. Eliza and I both have a growing stack of books to work our way through. Most winters we spend some time skiing in the Methow, which affords us ample cabin time to read. This winter may be another story. People with young children, we have been told, do not have time or energy to read.

This fits in with a common thread of advice that I have received from friends and co-workers with kids can be boiled down to, “do what you like to now, because when the baby comes you will not have time to do that thing.” This applies, for the most part, to doing things like going out to movies, eating dinner, reading books. As with much of the advice I have gotten over the past few years I am not sure how to take it. I am hesitant, given my complete ignorance of living with an infant to disregard it, yet I am at the same time skeptical.

My skepticism comes largely from my educational experiences. In my junior year of high school, my English teacher insisted that we use complete MLA format to cite any sources that we used in papers. We were to do this because, in her estimation, this was what would be required in college. Off to college I went, never receiving comment on correct citation format. No one seemed to care as long as the source was mentioned. Was the advice to use MLA format bad or wrong? I don’t think so, we learned a format to use and went to school equipped to cite sources. Was the reasoning behind it suspect? Yes. By universalizing here experience this teacher undermined the value of her own advice. Now when someone says, with absolute assurance, that something will happen, my first reaction is skeptical.

I balance this skepticism against the necessity of learning from those around me. One of the cornerstones of good teaching is being able to reflect upon your practice and make improvements. A large part of this is learning how to apply the advice that is received from others. Over the course of student teaching and my first year I have had ample opportunity to try and make sense of and apply the advice given to me by various administrators, teachers and mentors. I have come to two conclusions:

First, I should listen completely to the advice and comment before reacting to it. I must understand its context and the background of the person offering the advice to understand how to take it. I have found almost all of the criticisms and advice given to me useful in some way. The challenge lies understanding the context behind the comments.

Much of the advice I received while student teaching came out of my assessors’ anxieties and struggles as new teachers. When I shared these anxieties and struggles the advice and criticism was relevant and helpful. When I did not, it rang false and was of less use. I was only able to figure this out by getting to know the people behind the advice.

Second, do I want to emulate the person who is giving the advice? People advise based upon their own experiences. Do I want to have similar experiences as those advising me? Do I want to be like them (at least in the realm of the advice they are giving)? If I do, I should take the advice seriously. If I do not, maybe I should let it go.

Can this be applied to all of the baby advice I am getting? I hope so, but I do keep in mind that the birth of a child is an absolutely life changing event that could change my mind about all of this (and who knows what else!).

The comment / advice that I have appreciated the most came from a teacher who I work with. It may really not be advice, but I found what he said so encouraging that I took it as such. We were talking about the coming baby with a group of other teachers and he asked if planned to take some time off. I told him I was planning on about 3 weeks. He affirmed this and then told me he took a one-year sabbatical when his son (who is now in one of my classes) was born. It was, in his words, the best year of his life. His parting comment, “You are really going to enjoy this.”

The baby’s due date was not my best day. It was a beautiful day but I really had nothing planned except to go to a Dr.s apt. I was really looking forward to this apt because it seems like my body has been doing a lot of prep work and I wanted some indication of how close I was to actual labor. It had snowed in the night though and the cold temperature turned the snow on the roads to ice so my apt was cancelled! Sean’s school was also cancelled and although rescheduling an apt. would have been a minor thing on a normal day I so upset about not getting to go in and see how I was progressing. Sean and I worked in the office cleaning things up and organizing and later when the sidewalks melted a bit we walked to Top Pot for a donut and a cup of coffee. It’s getting harder to distract myself from letting the question “when will labor start?” become a mantra. I comforted myself with by thinking that having my hormones all out of wack is a good sign, if an unpleasant one for both Sean and I.

Today, the 12th, I woke up feeling so much better than yesterday. I slept great between my just washed sheets. Sean leaned over in the morning and asked the baby when it was coming and I felt like, what’s the rush? It’s just a little baby inside-we shouldn’t hurry a baby! I did have my Dr. apt today (the nurse said that the little baby is gaining 1/2 lb a week by now and we may want to hurry it!) and the Dr. said all I need are some contractions. I know. The point she made though was that everything else is really lined up and ready to go. If labor won’t start on it’s own, she’ll induce me next Saturday, the 20th.

I missed Merilee’s wedding today. To think now, at 9:20 she’s married! I’m so happy for her, and for Justin too. To meet your soul mate and choose to spend the rest of your life together is a great thing. When I see Sean’s face on the pillow next to me every morning, I’m in love with him all over again and so happy to be married. I wish Justin and Merilee the same happiness and comfort as I have been fortunate enough to experience. I’ll post some photos when I can get some from the family. I feel sad about missing the event but I think it was the best thing to do. Mer and I spoke about it last night and she and I are not distanced by my decision. I did have a good day today, but I’ve had a string of uncomfortable, discouraging and emotional days recently so Sean really encouraged me to not attend an emotionally charged event and instead to get as much rest and quiet as possible. It was the best decision for me, however much I wish I could be there to see the beautiful ceremony and my family. I’m feeling more introverted than I ever have before in my life and it seems somewhat traumatic to break this bubble of solitude. Our apartment is like my own hermitage. If only I could have the shelter at Dripping Springs and the Mary Jane Coulter cabin at Hermit’s Rest at the Grand Canyon all to myself as my place of reflection and quiet right now! I’m sure walking the upper trails in the Canyon would bring the baby.

Looking back through our photos it looks like I was hardly pregnant all those months. I don’t look pregnant until about 7 months! 7 months was October-my 30th birthday. People ask me if it feels like I’ve been pregnant a long time: yes! I look back at the pictures and all that sunshine, hiking and travel seems like a long time ago and I know that even though I didn’t really look it, I was aware of being pregnant every minute! The pictures are of a different person, I can’t really remember feeling slim and like my clothes fit well. Then again, I’ve felt very good for most of my pregnancy and was able to stay active for so long. It hasn’t been as long as it seems since I’ve felt strong and able to get around with ease. This morning I went to yoga (I’m 40 weeks tomorrow, so I am really grateful to be that mobile still) and when I got out of the car the cold dry air from the storm that moved in last night (it’s snowing right now) hit me in the face and I was teary eyed feeling nostalgic for the cold mountain air and skiing. I haven’t missed a winter in the mountains though, it just feels that way because Sean’s already been skiing. It’s good that a pregnancy isn’t an entire year-I haven’t missed anything! To think that I’m almost done, almost have a baby in my arms!

I love what my mom emailed me: she said that having a child is so wonderful because everything I like to do, like ski and hike and read a book, I get to experience twice-once for myself, the pleasure of doing the activity and once again when I witness our child experiencing something fantastic for the first time themselves.

All in all, a baby grows inside astoundingly fast, I guess it hasn’t been long at all!

Click here to see my 9 months in pictures.